so i believe that us, human..also experienced it, when there's up..there's also down.
do you ever feel like no matter what, and no matter how hard you try, you'd always experienced it?i did...
november 17th, 2009
it's tuesday, and i remember you had your choir practice...an ordinary practice on an ordinary tuesday...i remember few hours earlier you texted me bout how starving you were and asked me to bring you bakwan malang (that i never did) i also remember when evening came you told me that you had no one on the place where you were practiced...you called me and we had a hilarious laughs about it, how i was happy that you looked for me when there's no one else to look up to. i remember when the phone hanged up, how i promised you that i will wait for you and never leave you to sleep...and so i did..i may not gave you the courage directly bout that night, but i posted it at my status that night, before i went home and took a shower.
(is sending a positive energy for you...to cheer up!! semangat pol!! ^^)
i remember no matter how sleepy i was, i waited for you to come home...just to know you're okay and couldn't wait to hear your story...i remember....when that time came we talked about every thing just like what we've always do...and i remember when the time comes for you to ask me about my history, how i will never forget that and how i regret it if i knew it will come to this situation...we ended the conversation, left me hanging in my room...just thinking how did you deal with it...i never forget...even when the morning came when you texted me and said we needed to talk, i never forget...even if i was tired working all day at Ritz Carlton, i never forget...(whatever happens...happens!! cos everything comes for a reason...what you see isn't always what you get, n what you get...isn't always what you want.)
november 19th, 2009this the day where we talked, the day that for the first time i saw you cried, the day for the first time i heard from your mouth saying that you love me...how it broke my heart just to see you cry, it never across my mind to make you cry...ever! this the day that i will never forget...how you despised my hand when i tried to wipe away your tears, how it broke my heart that you wouldn't even let me to do so...this is the day where i have to skip work and lied to my boss, so that i can give you all the time you asked and needed...this is the day where i cried for the first time since ages just by reading your notes, how i hate my life and all that i've done, how i regret bout everything i've been through in all my life...there will never be enough sorry in this world for it...i'm sorry i bumped into your life, i'm sorry i asked your phone number, i'm sorry you ever know me..barely for nothing...i'm sorry...this is the day where i feel life has cycled...
(need the positive energy that i've sent to you all my friends...to cheer up!! 1st day.)
november 20th, 2009day two without you...no sms, no calls, no news, nothing...and that's what i've been goin through the day...nothing...the day where we had a party for my boss, for having fun...it was nothing, cos there was no you in it...
(day two. never thought it would be this hard....)
and when the night came and passed by, i knew what to made me feel something...i realized there's no rain all day...i realized at least that day you'd be happy...i never stopped thanking God for it...for not raining and made you happy...(day two. 21.12 thanking God for not raining today...brarti semua berjalan lancar)
november 21st, 2009it's saturday...this was the day where i needed your encouragement for my test...this was also the day you had to accompanied your sister to fit her wedding gown.this was the day where you had to sing at the church choir...i remember...
(day three. 07.32 knowing that you're happy and everything perfectly out fine last night, is a gift.... i'll having a test...but the real TEST is make it through the day, and the day after.....)
this was also the day where i think i couldn't handled it anymore...this was the day where i began to lose my senses...i couldn't think of anything, anyone, anymore...(day three. 13.33 starting to lose my senses...starting to make me insane...)
november 22nd, 2009it was just passed midnight...i couldn't sleep...cos i slept all day....still couldn't think of anything...cos someone took my mind away
(entering day four. 00.13. can't think of anything....someone took my mind away...)
but this was also the day i had this thinking that i have to do something...i was planning to see our maker...have a conversation at His house, think He might have answers to my questions, hoping He can eased my burdens...(day four. sunday, 12.00. planning to visit God at His house this afternoon, hopefully He can answer my questions and ease my burdens...)
and at night when i went home...i saw how you crave asking to be hungry and searching for your soul...how you killed me deep down, to know that you're tortured...maybe by me...how it made me sad...this the day where i cried again...please don't do that again....(day four, 19.43. just got back home from the house of God, He answered some of my questions by giving me what i want...it's raining, tiny rain, she'd love it! but please...have something to eat, cos i always pray for your health.)
november 23rd, 2009woke up to think i can't see you...when this is supposed to be the day where i used to see you, the beginning of the week...the first day i have to go to work....how it hurts me badly...
(day five, 06.59. monday..regular monday..the day where i used to see you every morning, every week. but not today, not this monday...not this morning, not this week...*sigh*)
but God is kind...God is nice...i saw this girl from a distance right straight from me, with her bright orange bag at her right arm walked towards me...i remember it was 07.10 in the morning...i remember whose bag is that...but i had to choose to honor our deal...your deal...that we shouldn't meet at least this week...and so i turn, hurrying so that you can't see me...afraid...and how it hurts me even more...nothing different at the office...it's just regular monday...but you know what?today, i have a raised salary!! i praise the God, thanking Him for it...how i'm thrilled to tell you this news pol...how i wanted to tell you this...but i can't!! how it hurts me more and more....
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